Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
