My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
