my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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