this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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