So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
