wrigley field is MILF paradise
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
