Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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