you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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