no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
