dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
