Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
