If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
