And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
