he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
