Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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