East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
