I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
