the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i've created a new STD.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
