I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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