I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can I color on your dick again?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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