I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
