i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
