So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
