Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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