i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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