I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
