just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
