I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
