the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Text me some of your sweat
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