Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
