i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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