I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
