I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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