No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
