was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Randomize
