can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
