True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
