Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
