just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
