No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the day after is always just damage control
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
