I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
