Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
