Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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