there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
