I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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