i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
