It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
