Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
