I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
