I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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