Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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