I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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