Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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