mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
