My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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