Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
