had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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