Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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