my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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