we have pet lesbian snakes
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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